La Contessa d'Fancy Pants - the Sicilian Striptease Sin-sation

Our Sicilian contessa may look like a lady, but when she grabs a rifle to go hunting you'd better pray it's not You she's after! (Let's just say the villagers call her "Don", and she's earned it.) But this old school racketeer sure knows how to peel off an evening dress in a fashion that makes audiences quiver with delight - and with or without her rifle, she's got some deadly curves! Forgetaboutit!

Contessa tops up our income, running rackets from backstage. Maybe you were unaware that there is such a thing as betting on showgirls? Well, she's made it work. She also peddles moonshine and French postcards when no one is looking (and when she's doing business no one dares to look). Instead, they look twice as hard when she hits the stage and shows off those mesmerizing bon-bons that have caused mass-hypnosis across the globe. Poets have written about them, tenors have sung their praise, philosophers have found their muses in them, and ordinary people have fainted at the sight of them. At practice, she must keep them covered at all times, or the rest of us can't focus on dancing... Simply put, if she formed a church in which her bazookas were God, we would have peace on earth.